(Tips 1-6)1. No marriage is ever a mistake.
Every marriage is a cosmic event.
No marriage is an accident.
Even bad marriages are holy and sacred.
Sometimes we are not big enough to hold the blessing, but that doesn't mean that we should throw away the blessing. After you are married, you have to know that this is the one G-d chose for you. Love is not always active. Sometimes, it is dormant. Even if you sometimes feel you don't love your spouse (G-d forbid!) you can still treat each other well and with respect just because you are married to each other.
2. Watch for your patterns.
If they are counter-productive, work to break your habits. Usually anger in marriage is caused by unconscious patterns. Often we cannot see our own patterns .
Find a mentor that you trust and respect who can guide you on an ongoing basis about your problems. The next time you find yourself growing irritated, ask yourself:
What feelings are being aroused in me?
What can I learn from this?
What do I need to fix in myself?
3. Ask yourself:
What will my next decision bring, unity or disunity?
Not everything is a big deal.
Before you act, before you get irritated or angry,
ask yourself: How important is this problem really?
Is it worth destroying the unity of my marriage?
Look for the magic moment of choice.
In every moment we must decide:
Will I be self-centered or other-centered?
4. Seven Ways to Build Trust and Respect.
How do you build trust in the home?
1. Fulfill your word.
When you say you are going to do something, be sure to do it or ask permission to change the plan.
2. Be willing to give criticism in a gentle, respectful way.
3. Don't try to change things when you are emotional.
Plan a time to problem-solve together when you feel calm and rested. Find the right time.
4. Find the right words to express your needs.
5. Have a clear agenda in advance.
6. Be willing to accept criticism.
Criticism that hurts is usually accurate. Try to separate how well you do from who you are, so that you can be more effective in what you do without suffering from ego bruises.
7. If you find it hard to trust others, find someone trustworthy and trust them with something small.
5. Make space in your life.
How do two people who are worlds apart come together? Make space in your life, in your time, to include another, not just physical space, but spiritual space. Move yourself out of the center to create a space for somebody else in your life.
6. Respect each other's boundaries.
Everybody needs privacy. Let your family know when you need time and space for yourself. Don't just get cranky and expect them to know.
"I love you and care about you, but I can't stand what's going on right now." This is honesty with trust.
