1. Be fully who you are.
If you want to meet your soulmate, you first have
to be willing to meet your own soul. When you
marry the right person, that person will
enourage you to be the best you can be.
The more fully you develp who you are,
the more likely it is that you will attract a mate
who will appreciate you. The time you are given
before you are married is a special time for
growth. Use this time to develop yourself into
the kind of partner you want to be, and to attract
2. Soulmates are two halves of a soul.
If half the soul is Jewish, the other half
is also Jewish.
There are no exceptions. If you cut an apple in half
and hide one half, forever and always, its other half
will be apple - not orange, not pear, not egg. The whole
soul is male and female. If you are male, your soulmate
is female. If you are female, your soulmate is male.
You may be attracted to people who are not Jewish.
You might be attracted to someone of the same gender.
But those people can never be your true soulmates,
the one that G-d chose for you before you were born.
This is not any one person's opinion. This is Torah law
and the wisdom of the Jewish mystical tradition
as it has been handed down for thousands of years.
3. First define your own goals. Then look
for someone who has the same goals.
Successful marriages are focused on the things both
partners have in common. Your lives should be moving
in the same general direction. Make sure your goals
and values are not on a collision course. You don't have
to have all of the same interests but you do need to
respect each other's differences.
4. Never judge a person on the first date.
Let the personality of the person you are meeting unfold.
A person's nervousness can mask his or her true qualities. Don't have any expectations on a first date. Unless the first date is a really bad experience, go out on a second date. It may be the fourth date before you can really see the inner person. Many successful marriages have resulted when reluctant people were willing to give
the other person a second chance.
5. Don't touch and come close.
Don't touch! Are you crazy? That's right. Not even holding hands...not even touching pinkies. Put the physical attraction (or lack thereof) on hold while you explore the deeper things. Outward appearances are the least accurate indicator of true love. Beauty fades, but the inner qualities improve with age for those people who are willing to refine themselves throughout a lifetime.
"Don't touch" is the way to come closer to developing
the emotional intimacy that is neccesary for a relationship to blossom into marriage. How do you date without touching? Make a rule that you won't touch for the first 30 days. You will find that your respect for each other grows so great you are afraid to touch, and this deep respect
is the strongest foundation for a successful marriage.
It's hard to do that?
Yes! But think of the consequenses if you don't!
6. Jews don't fall in love. We grow in love. There is no Prince or Princess Charming and happily-ever-after without effort. 5,761 years ago, the Jews
were betrothed to G-d at Mt. Sinai, and we have been developing the relationship ever since. Beware of "falling" in love with your eyes closed. The goal is to ascend in love with full awareness of the divine potential between you..You will never find the "perfect" mate,
but if you keep your priorities straight and your goals in mind, with the help of G-d, you will find someone you can love, grow with, and give to for a lifetime.
7. Never marry with the intention of changing anyone but yourself.
You can't marry for potential. The way you are has to be
a match in this moment with the person you are dating. Make sure the person you are dating is someone you like "as is." Of course, you will both change and grow through time, but the desire for growth has to come from inside each person. It cannot be forced from the outside.
You cannot change another person.
You can only change yourself.
8. If we call ourselves single, we make ourselves lonely.
A single is a person shipwrecked on an island. Adam HaRishon, the first man was single. Nobody else has been single since. When you feel alone and single,
make your life more meaningful. Start appreciating
those around you. Use the most precious gift an unmarried person has - your free time - to help others in your community. Volunteer your time to help families
and the lonely elderly in your neighborhood.
Practice giving as much as you can and you will be
well-prepared for marriage which is all about giving.
9. Look to the Divine Wisdom for help.
How do you find Divine Wisdom? The Jewish wisdom tradition teaches us to seek a Jewish spiritual counselor who knows Torah law and lives by it.
Go to them for Shabbos. Help them with some of their community-building activities and let them get to know you. Tell them what you are looking for and ask them if they know of anyone for you. Then ask for guidance about your problems and dating decisions. Listen and act on their advice. Strengthen your relationship with your Creator so that your priorities are clear when you are dating. Then you will not make a mistake in your choice of whom to marry. Pray, beg, cry out to G-d to help you find your soulmate. Recite Psalms. 10. Don't Despair! Never Give up! No prayer is ever wasted. No good deed is ever done in vain. No tear is ever ignored in heaven. Our sages tell us that 40 days before we are born, a heavenly voice calls out for each person, "This soul, So-and-So is destined to marry that soul, So-and-So!" There is a Divine Plan and you are in it! Even if you feel you missed your destiny - don't worry. The Torah tells us that our Matriarch, Leah's eyes were weak. Our sages ask: Why were they weak? Her eyes
were weak from crying. Why was she crying? Leah knew that she was destined to marry the evil Esau. She prayed and wept and begged that her destiny be changed. And it was! Her prayers were so effective that she married Jacob first.