(Tips 7-12)7.Learn to anticipate what the other needs.
Learn to anticipate what the other needs. But don't expect that the other will be able to anticipate your needs! Communicate your needs clearly. Be realistic.
Be specific. Tell your partner what's going on with you in the moment. It takes practice to be considerate. It takes practice
to learn how to give to another in the way that they need to receive.
8.Be a good listener.
Be a good listener. Hearing doesn't mean agreeing or submitting.
Hearing means being receptive to another's perspective.
Don't be defensive. Be receptive. Keep blame out of the conversation. Most marital difficulties are not resolved with logic. Conflict is emotional and feelings that are expressed need to be acknowledged without assessing if they are right or wrong.
9.Every marriage has three partners:
Every marriage has three partners: You, your spouse and G-d.Are you making room for Holiness in your marriage?
The purpose of marriage is to realize a higher level of holiness through intimate giving to another. Kissing the mezuzah on the doorpost before you enter your home reminds you to leave the stress and harshness of the outside world outside. It gives you
a moment to reflect on the purpose of your home life and an opportunity to reorient yourself to G-dliness before you greet
your family and to refocus on the ideals of your home.
Kissing the mezuzah when you leave your home reminds you to protect the privacy and the sanctity of your family when you are in the world.
10.Ask as if it's for the first time.
Ask as if it's for the first time. In marriage you have to be new every day, every moment.
You might feel frustrated if you have asked for the same thing 100 times before. Nevertheless, on the 101st time, ask in
a new way, as if it were for the very first time. Imagine yourself to be the other person and ask in a way that you think he or she would like to be asked. If you feel that you just can't get what you want, work on yourself and learn to adapt. Find a mentor to help you change yourself.
11.Be big enough for two.
Be big enough for two. Shalom Bayis, Peace in the Home is the primary goal of family life. If you want the best in someone to come out, treat them nicely. No matter how unfair it seems to you how you've been
treated, love and kindness come first. Marriage is not about: "What are you going to do for me?
I gave and gave, now what do I get?"
Marriage is an endless training ground for giving, giving, giving. It's not about fairness. It's about giving.
One person can improve the marriage even without the cooperation of the other. Yes! It's true! When one person is willing to give 100%, this opens the heart of the other to give. As a face is reflected in water, so is one heart reflected in another.
12.Practice Forgiveness.
Practice Forgiveness. Forgiveness is the ability to separate the past from the present. Be new. Take a deep breath and allow people to change and grow - especially the ones to whom you are closest.
It isn't easy to forgive, but think of the consequences if you don't! The more you practice, the easier it gets.
